You may not think about it as you go about your day, but eventually you will leave this life. It’s true. And when you do you will leave a legacy behind. Your legacy is the unique thumbprint that only you can give us. It may be your child, it may be the hospital wing you donated, or maybe the book you wrote. It might even be the crime you committed. But make no mistake and have no doubt – you will leave a legacy behind.
I Bore Witness
If you would have told me a year ago that I would be doing what I did a week and a day ago, I probably would have said, “Really?” But it happened. A week ago yesterday I bore witness to a legacy. It was a legacy of love, of family, and of marriage. A golden anniversary. Fifty years of a man and a woman navigating life together. FIFTY of not just living with but having a life and creating life with another person. Fifty years. That’s a long time. That’s most of your life. Hell, that’s longer than some people even live. Fifty years of marriage – WOW!
The world is replete with advice on how to reach this marriage milestone. Everything from letting the other side win, to setting aside your own happiness, to minimizing the late-night drunken text messages. Your mileage may vary. I actually know these golden half-centurions fairly well. Without a doubt they are the ying to each other’s yang. It’s a rare evening that they aren’t holding hands as they watch t.v. together. Fifty years later they even still sleep in the same bed (which alone is kind of amazing), and fifty years later, each morning she walks into the kitchen where he is at his post doing email, coffee, and the morning news, and the first thing she does is give him a kiss and tell him that she lives him. It’s pretty adorable. And actually pretty smart too.
Just Don’t
Fifty is an amazing milestone no doubt, and a quick Google will show you that only 6% of us who have promised “I do” ever get there. There is no doubt that these two have had their ups and they’ve had their downs, their wins and their losses, and the rest of the messiness of human relationship, but they made it. Even they would tell you of their struggles, and the times they wanted to toss the towel. But they made it and they made it because they followed the first rule of making it 50 years in anything: they never quit. Like they say in the movies, “Failure is not an option.”
There is a theorem in physics called “Ockham’s Razor”. You might know it as the “Law of Parsimony” (or you may not). It’s a problem-solving paradigm developed by the 14th–century friar William of Ockham, and it goes like this: “If you have two competing ideas to explain the same phenomenon, you should choose the simpler one.” In other words, the simple thing is usually the right thing. Ever know anyone who looks like they’re trying to make things more complicated in their than they should be? Ever know anyone who made their relationships more complicated than they should be? Ever know anyone who made their marriage more complicated than it should be? The remedy to these common maladies is actually quite simple: if you want to make it to 50 years with your person, just don’t quit.
The People
Of course there was a party to celebrate this pretty amazing accomplishment (more on that in a minute), but at the end of the party when the balloons were popped, the cake was almost gone, and only the stragglers remained sipping and chatting, I sat with these two and we had a visit. We talked about their journey, beginning, middle and end, and then something occurred to me. The most important legacy these two left behind could be summarized in a simple singular word: family. They raised four kids who are actually as diverse as they are cool. They’ve gone on to establish themselves, they’ve found their person and they’ve created new people that they are now raising. At one point there was a little math quiz about the number of kids, grand kids and great grand kids. They looked at each other and smiled and then she reached out for his hand, which he gladly offered. Awwww.
What they did I was not able to do. I tried, but I quit. I did. I will not leave the legacy that they will leave. Maybe you quit and maybe you didn’t and maybe you wish you would have sooner, or that you never even started. Again, your mileage may vary. But when you get to see and be a part of two people’s fifty years together, it’s a pretty special thing. And you know what? All these years later they actually still like each other. Double Word Score.
The Party
OK, the party. I showed up with my trusty Samsung S23 smart phone and a Rode microphone and did my thing that I do. I got some pretty great interviews and delish b roll. Then me and my friends from Led Zepplin went in the studio and created a video that tells a great story about this 50-year legacy. If you’re interested, take a few minutes and check it out. You probably don’t know any of the actors, but it will make you happy. Click THIS LINK.
Thanks for not quitting Doug and Linda. You’re great people, great parents, great Christians and great friends. You left us a legacy that demonstrates that while marriage can be difficult, it isn’t dead.
Good luck and have a good week.
Joe Still
2024.07.28
Cite
“A good husband makes a good wife.”
– John Florio