“Things that matter and things that don’t”.
It’s the one question we as humans are sorting through constantly. It’s a daily question. It’s an hourly question. It’s a moment-by-moment question. Money, love, power, sex, contribution, tribe, connection, contribution, legacy, relationships, it’s really all just a rolling q + a session of what matters and what doesn’t.
And then there’s just “Habit 5”.
Habit 5 is a reference from the book, “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” by Steven Covey. Habit 5 is perhaps the most foundational of all the habits because it reveals the most important thing we can ever do in a relationship with a customer, a friend, or a lover. Habit 5 tells us to, “seek first to understand, then to be understood”.
There’s a reason Habit 5 is so important. Many of us approach each other this way: “Listen to me”. “This is what I think.” “Here’s my story.” We want to be heard, and for some of us, the conversation stops there – especially if we are in conflict with another. But Habit 5 tells us to go the other way; to start with “Let me hear what you have to say about that first”, and then after that, you take your turn.
But Habit 5 isn’t just a roadmap for listening and speaking, Habit 5 forms a basis for understanding which is the key to any successful communication. And understanding only comes with personal security. An insecure person cannot set aside their agenda to be in the space to understand another person. This is especially true in moments of disagreement.
The road of understanding is human empathy which also requires personal security. Understanding requires us to let go of control and set aside our agenda to become deeply rooted in how it is for the other person. When you exercise empathy, you don’t just change the conversation, you change everything.
Habit 5 “Seek first to understand, then to be understood”.
Good luck and have a good week.
Joe Still
2023.07.30
Cite
“Begin with the end in mind.”
– Stephen Covey