You made not need this now.
But someday you will.
Much (most, all) of what you understand about your life is based on your perception. It’s your context and your understanding. This is the same for you, me, and all of the people that come and go from our lives. It’s the same for our customers, lovers, children and friends.
Some say there is no reality, only perception. Others say that you can’t change what happens to you, only how you react to it. All of what you believe about power and perception can be defined in three simple words: victim, villain, or volunteer.
The Way of the Victim
At the center of a victim’s world dwells a difficult word: control. Victims are not alone…many of us struggle with this word. Victims understand the world as a place where they have no control. They don’t want control of others, they want control of self. It’s the thing that eludes them most.
Victims live in a world that is “outside-in”. They speak in the second person, never in the first. “You did this to me.” “It’s your fault.” My outcome would be different except for you.” Whether by their birth or other life circumstance, victims see themselves as powerless. Some mature from this point of view, some never do.
You might say, “what would one get from being the victim?” The answer is simple. As long as one is a victim, one never has to take responsibility for self. Others will say, “but what of the child hit by a car crossing the road”? It’s a good question. And if this is your question, you should find the answer that works for the result you seek. Because there is no right and there is no wrong. Only what you believe.
The Way of the Villain
A villain never sees him or herself this way. It’s a badge placed on them by another – usually a victim. We the humans understand the world largely through stories. In any story about victims and villains, the villain always carries a quiver of carrots and sticks – be it money, be it power, be it the ability to give or take away. The victim wants what the villain has. Always.
Of the two roles in the story the villain’s is more important. With no villain there can be no victim.
The Way of the Volunteer
The volunteers among us hold a different view than the other two. A volunteer is one who takes responsibility (albeit sometimes too much). A volunteer’s identity isn’t just response-ible. Volunteers see themselves as , it’s response-able.
A volunteer sees the world as “inside-out”. A volunteer is focused on self. A volunteer does spend the currency of life fretting about control. A volunteer has the power to choose a response in the moment. A volunteer is response-able.
The Tick of the Tock
For the watchers among us, it’s a sad thing to see a victim grow old. Many do. They never flourish beyond their sour relationships with parents. They never move beyond their bitter opinions of those who fired them. They never release the deep pain they feel deep inside from being left behind by a lover or dumped by a customer.
To the believers these stories are real. They are fact, not fiction. They are believable and they are believed deeply. And if believed deeply enough, it’s these stories that create the perception known as reality. And it’s this reality that will do more to influence the path of one’s life than almost anything else: education, opportunity or good looks.
You
You may not need this now. But someday you will. This Sunday take a moment and think about this. Do a bit of meditation or just do it before sleep. Hold yourself up to these three measurements: victim, villain and volunteer and ask the question. It’s the one thing you should know about yourself above all other things.
A wise man once told me that there is only one question: “based on results is it working?” This is perhaps the best litmus test to test our path and to know if we are being who we want to be. How is your path working based on results? If yes, stay the course. If no, you have important work to do.
Good luck and have a good week.
Joe Still
2016.01.17
Cite
“We’re all victims of our own hubris at times.”
Kevin Spacey